Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly and loudly introduce to you the well-known and well followed individuals in Twitterville who have now become instant celebrities on the social network. They are known as twelebs.
TwelebA (partially) anonymous, popular Twitter user who has nothing else going for them. Twelebs live for RTs and “:””D”s from their followers as they tweet ignorant, sometimes funny and mostly offensive content all in the name of retaining their Tweleb status. Every Tweleb’s avatar change is welcomed with dozens of “Avi appreciations” from their followers, to which they’re usual reply is something like: “Wow. Humbled.” They are easily recognisable by their amount of followers on Twitter (usually 5000 or more). Their Twitter names are usually their Instagram name or a name promoting the latest cool kid gathering e.g: #coolkidgathering15Oct!!!
Oh yes! Twelebs have taken over these Twitter streets to provide you with much needed topics of discussion or social commentary, whether silly or worthy of note. Either way, when they belt out the meanderings of their minds in 140 characters, people take notice of what they say.
If you ever had aspirations of becoming a tweleb, today is your lucky day as I will provide you with much needed hints and tips that will ensure that the 140 character meanderings of your mind make you an instant hit with the masses of Twitterville.
You can start off by making social commentary about the frivolous things in life. Talk about how you think your nearest McDonald’s restaurant is slowly turning into a day club for hungry goers who are too lazy to cook, or comment on how your Casanova lifestyle is elevating your street cred at the club. Describe the habits of your booty calls or your emotional side hustles in as blatant a manner as possible to get people retweeting your tweets and adding their ‘laughing hysterically’ emoticon or a ‘lmao’ comment. Whatever you do, remember to shock people with your social commentary by how blatantly you put it across.
Sex and nudity will never fail you when wanting to become a tweleb. Semi-nude pictures seem to be the most popular, where mostly women twitpic themselves with no bra on so that their breasts are bared to the entire Twitter community. With regards to sex, be that person who explains in as gory a manner as possible how to get in bed with whomever you want. Talk about the means and ways that men or women should adopt in order to be in close proximity with your genitals, and don’t forget to name the caliber and status quo of the type of person you want, whether it be the nerdy guy or girl, the VW Golf GTI guy or the rich sugar daddy or mommy. These people will trend along with you as they will be discussed by the masses.
Make sure that you twitpic your life away. Twitpic a can of coke; twitpic your engagement ring and twitpic yourself with celebrities so that you can be considered as an important socialite who knows all the right people. They say pictures speak louder than words in Twitterville so if you want to be important, you might as well follow this rule. And don’t forget to twitpic thousands of pictures of yourself. You’re not being vain and self-absorbed right? Your own camera just happens to love you too much!
You need to pick a fight with someone on Twitter to boost your following. Engaging in twar is wonderful because your followers, or audience, get to gasp or laugh at the silly insults that fly on status updates. Not even the blue bird (the founder and icon of Twitter) can stop these spats that aim to expose dirty laundry in an attempt to tear victims and perpetrators apart. Therefore, engage in twar and hold no accusations or secrets back. And be sure to end the twar with a catchy saying such as ‘booom! Sit down!’. It will soon become a trend in modern vocabulary.
If frivolous isn’t your thing, use your status updates for good. Become a citizen journalist (if you’re an actual reporter than it’s even better) and give your followers up-to-date info on stories that are current hot topics in society. Everyone wants to be in the on-the-minute loop with current affairs as they develop instead of waiting decades for newspaper reports. People will love you for that and they will see the positive uses of social networks.
If all else fails, be an actual celeb that merely has to say one word or one hashtag and be guaranteed a trend. That’s easier than having to work hard by being overly controversial and ridiculous in order to become a tweleb. But unfortunately, not all of us have the luxury of being famous having thousands of people retweeting every full stop we tweet, therefore the dirty controversial work must be done.
Becoming a tweleb is relatively easy; you just have to have over 1000 followers and a virtual mouth that spews out insane rubbish or newsworthy things that people can use. The choice is ultimately yours.
So there you have it ladies and gentlemen; the formula that will help you to become a successful tweleb.